If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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