i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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