That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
