u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize