No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
