...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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