You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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