she woke up with a sticky ear
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
