So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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