the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
