I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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