Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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