No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
