Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
