Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
