he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
