Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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