Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
