Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
