so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
