I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
