fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
