I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
