We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
