So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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