She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
