I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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