every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
