Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
