I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
