just come out here and I will go home with you...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
