i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
