Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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