im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
