batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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