i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
