i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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