I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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