Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
