i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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