Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
