I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
