i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
