I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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