one might say we're banned from that church
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
