so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
