I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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