Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
