It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize