I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
