The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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