So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize