I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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