is your mom at the bar?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
