Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
