too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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