Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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