Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
