My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
