so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
