If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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