so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
look no pants
I checked into jail on foursquare
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
