69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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