What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
