so let's talk penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
