just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
