Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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