I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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