my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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