we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how drunk are you?
Several
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
