If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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