I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
