i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
