My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
