In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he thought i was a dude.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
