How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
