yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
