I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
